Ravin Read online

  The University of Colorado in Boulder was still almost too close to my mother. It came as a shock to her how I could possibly have been accepted to a western state college when all the applications she gave me were for Boston-based universities. With tears (of joy) in my eyes, I packed and left. And I did tell Mandy, but not until the first of August. If I had realized what her response was going to be, I would have told her months sooner. Mandy tried her damnedest to trap me, but I wasn’t having any of that. If I hadn’t seen through that one I guess I would have been the stupider of the two. It was a great month, but I think I aged two years in that span. As the end of the month got closer, Mandy became more frantic. I was afraid she might just do something with somebody that looked like me just to keep me there. Would I have stayed? No, not a chance. I felt like I loved her, but what were we going to do? Live at her folks? Was I an ass? Probably, but I was seventeen, what did I care? She called me on the day I was leaving to tell me how much she hated me. I knew she was lying, but it still struck me deep in the chest. It was a long time before I got over that conversation.

  I had to take a Greyhound bus out to Colorado because my mother was too mad to spring for the airplane flight. It didn’t really bother me; three days on a bus was still better than the three days extra I would have had to spend with her. That final summer with her was a nightmare. She harangued me from the moment I got accepted until the day I left. “How could you do this to me?” “Why would you want to leave me all alone?” “Your father’s never here, why should you be!” Three days on a bus far outweighed the alternative. I guess the only thing that really began to bother me during that trip was the constant smell of urine. I don’t know, do bus riders just go where they sit? They truly are a different class of passenger. But that also has very little to do with the tale I’m telling. I got off the bus in Boulder, Colorado. Is it me or does the air in Colorado just smell better? Even the urine-bleach odor of the bus depot smelled a little sweeter.

  I stepped out from the front of the depot and actually hailed a cab—I thought that only happened in movies—and directed the driver to the University of Colorado, Boulder. Apparently, he was very familiar with college students. He harrumphed and grunted and I think actually passed a little gas before proceeding to take me on the exclusive, city-wide tour of Boulder, so forty-five minutes later and fifty-two dollars poorer, I stepped out of the cab and right into the arms of Beth. No, literally, I stumbled on the damn curb and fell into the assistant R.A.’s arms. Maybe the oxygen is a little thinner, but I don’t know if that could even begin to explain the swoon I felt when she touched me. Her fingers were electric. Maybe she felt it too or maybe she was just reacting to the goofy look on my face, but she held onto me just a little longer than she had to before she propped me back up on my semi-stable legs. She was five feet, two inches of pure female perfection. Her auburn hair trailed down her back just to the point of caressing one of the finest sculpted buttocks I had ever seen. Her almost oval face was dominated by a radiant smile and eyes as blue as the sea—but not your average sea, more like the sea off the coast of Hawaii. I felt from that one look she directed at me that she could and had read my soul. But I actually found out later that she had felt bad for me, thinking that I was part of the Special Ed class. Oh well, not every fantasy can be perfect.

  “Whoa, you alright?” she said with a gleaming smile

  “Uh, yeah, I don’t think I twisted anything,” I murmured sheepishly.

  “Are you part of the…”

  “Yeah, I’m in the freshman class of 2017.”

  “Oh,” she said, “Do you know which dorm you’re in?”

  “Yeah, uh, Baker’s Hall, room 312.”

  “Oh, that’s great, I’m the assistant R.A. for that floor.”

  “That’s awesome!” I said a little too energetically, hope and desire surging through me.

  “Alright, you should probably get your stuff and get to your room so you can get acquainted with your new roommate. Oh, and there’s a floor meeting at seven o’clock tonight in the third floor lounge.”

  “Thanks, I’ll be there!” Could I have been any more lame? The girl of my dreams was standing before me and I sound like a kid at Toys R Us, even my mom knew it was better to remain silent and be thought dumb than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. I proceeded to the third floor, circumventing the elevators because everything I was bringing to college was either in the backpack I was wearing or the duffle bag I was carrying. Mother felt I had no need to bring my stereo or any other personal belongings to school. “You need to just concentrate on your grades so that you can graduate and get back here as soon as possible.” As if I was going anywhere near the East Coast after I graduated. I figured I had better get down to the registrar’s office and see which degree would take the longest amount of time to acquire. Maybe I could just stay and go for my doctorate. Deep in thought, I had my second near collision of the day, good thing I wasn’t driving.

  “Whoa, buddy, what’s your rush?” a voice drifted into my daydream.

  “Sorry, just deep in thought,” I replied, obviously without even considering my words.

  “Are you lost or something?” the voice came back.

  “No, I’m not,” I said indignantly as I finally looked up at the voice ahead of me.

  “Sure seems that way!” he said.

  “Paulie, how you doin’, my friend? How long have you been up here?”

  “At least long enough to get a hold of some brews.”

  “Awesome.”

  “Good to see you too.” Paul and I had planned this from the get go. We had applied for CU in secret hoping to get as far away from our parents as humanly possible and still stay in the country. I was truly glad Paul had decided to take his acceptance here. My self-esteem and confidence were shaky at the best of times. But Paul always seemed to be one of those people you just felt good to be around. He brought out the best in the people around him. When we both decided we were going to college, we figured what the hell, let’s apply to the same school, maybe we’ll get lucky. Whereas, my mother couldn’t believe I was leaving her, Paul’s parents couldn’t wait for him to go. He had just taken his final bags out of the room and his dad started stripping the wallpaper. Something about a hot tub or an office. Paul didn’t know and he didn’t care. For him also, two thousand miles might not be far enough away. He was a couple of inches taller than me and definitely the type of guy ladies approve of, dirty blond hair with piercing blue eyes. He was always quick with a smile. His laid back manner seemed to attract the ladies like a magnet. He was the kind of guy I had always strived to become, but I guess I just had too much of my mother’s uptightness in me.

  “It’s good to see you, my friend. Step into our palace.” He motioned with the wave of a hand.

  “This is our room?” I asked.

  “What do you think?”

  “It looks like you’ve been here a lot longer than a couple of days.”

  “My parents were so stoked I was leaving they would have put me on a fighter jet if it had been an option. I’m telling you, I’ve only been here for a couple of days.”

  I stepped into my new abode and into an alternate universe. He had the place decked out. There was a black light on, three different black light posters, All That Remains, Chevelle, and Disturbed . There was a strobe light going off in the far corner and painted glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. I sort of had the feeling I sometimes got when I was building models and I left the glue open a little too long. The room was laid out in the shape of two squares that offset each other, giving the room the appearance of a Z shape. Of course being the last into the room, I got the half that opened up to the doorway. Paul half-heartedly asked if it was okay if he got the half that faced the windows. It looked like he had been prepping his side for the last twenty-four hours with the posters and the lights and the glow-in-the-dark nightline. I acquiesced, with the only condition being that he help me get my side to look like his. His smile sp
read from ear to ear.

  We drank, laughed and ate; he had a box of Devil Dogs which we devoured in record time, in four minutes if my watch was working correctly. I learned a new card game called 45’s, but I wasn’t sure if I’d even remember it tomorrow.

  “Crap, its ten past seven, we gotta go to the floor meeting,” Paul said, half smiling.

  “I have no desire to be out in public right now,” I said, slurring or at least it felt that way when it came out of my mouth.

  “You’ll be fine, but you might want to wear some sunglasses.”

  “Whattaya mean sunglasses? It’s seven o’clock and we’re inside.

  “I know that,” he laughed “but your eyes are glowing.”

  I looked in the mirror and could hardly believe the image that reflected back at me. I really did now look like a kid from Special Ed; the Devil Dog crumbs on my chin only amplified the effect. My eyes glowed like embers in a fire and my lids drooped so low it looked like I was asleep on my feet. I was exhausted from the traveling now coupled with the beer.

  “Use this, you’ll be fine,” Paul said as he threw a small bottle at me, which proceeded to bounce off my arm and onto the floor. “Gets the red out.”

  “Thanks, I definitely appreciate this. I wish I had something that would take the buzz out, I really don’t want to act like an idiot in front of the assistant R.A.”

  “You mean Beth?”

  “Yeah,” I said with a sheepish grin.

  “She’s out of your league. I already got the info on her, she’s a great person but she’s got more ambition and drive in her than anybody I’ve ever met. I’ve already asked her out and she was having none of it.”

  “Oh, so you figure if you couldn’t get her, nobody could, huh?” I said nonchalantly, but in reality I was thinking to myself, If he couldn’t get her there is no way on God’s green earth I’ll be able to.

  “Plus, I think she’s going out with some football player at Penn State.”

  My hopes felt as if they had been smashed against the rocks. Paul, seeing the change in my expression, spoke hastily. “Don’t sweat it—for every girl you can’t get, there are two you can.” It was small solace, but it would have to do for now. So off to the third floor lounge we went.

  “So glad you could make it,” Beth said sarcastically as she glanced up at us. To me, it appeared as a knowing glance at Paul and a disapproving one at me. Or maybe it was just the beer speaking. The only thing I remembered about the next hour was that I didn’t drool, and that was a good thing, and how mesmerized I was with the way Beth would flip her hair away from her face from time to time. I hoped it wasn’t too apparent that I was staring, but Paul noticed and would nudge me from time to time as if to awaken me from my stupor. So began my college career.

  The first few weeks of college flew by at a surprisingly fast pace. I even made it to some of my classes when Paul and I hadn’t partied too much the night before. But I had perfect attendance at my English lit class. Yeah, you guessed it. It wasn’t the subject matter that did it; Beth had the class also, although we never talked in class. She was too busy taking copious notes (which I gladly used for study material before classes). We always talked after class, she had an hour and half break before her next mod, and I gladly pretended that I did also. Calculus, as far as I was concerned, could wait. At first we would be courteous to each other, say our pleasantries and then head in opposite directions, but after the first week or two, we would begin to talk a little more, then eventually we would walk together and then on occasion we would get lunch. After another week of beating around the bush, I finally asked her out on a date. The letdown was almost more than I could bear.

  “Beth, I feel like we’ve really been getting to know each other and I was wondering if you might want to go out to a movie or something,” I half stammered. Damn, it wasn’t supposed to be this hard.

  “Mike, I like you. I like you a lot—more than I actually should.”

  Here it comes, nothing good can come from this, I thought. The but should be coming at any moment now.

  “But…”

  Bingo.

  She continued, “I’m in a serious relationship with someone.”

  “I know,” I said “With that football player from Penn State. I just figured we could try like the song and love the one you’re with.” Oh no, I didn’t really just say that. Why can’t life be like the movies so we could cut out a bad scene and have a redo? But she actually laughed at that. Unfortunately, lunch after that conversation had an awkward quietude to it. I actually excused myself a little early so I could attend the last half of my Calculus class. I must have been upset. So for the first time in two weeks I actually attended all of my classes, more so to think through this new development with a clear mind. If I went back to the dorm I would more than likely end up in some beer induced stupor. I attended every class, but only in the physical sense, I could not help but wonder if I had done the wrong thing. Was it too soon to ask her out? Did I mess up a budding friendship? I mulled over those problems all day long until eventually I ran out of classes and had to return to my dorm, no more the wiser for my musings. Paul had heard about a huge party off-campus that night and asked if I wanted to go. I declined, I told him I was actually going to try to study.

  “It’s Friday night, nobody studies on Friday night! Mike, this isn’t about Beth, is it? Come on, bud. She’s going out with a running back from Penn State. The guy’s a stud. Let it and her go. There’s going to be so much going on at this party tonight, you’re not going to know which way to turn,” he said almost pleadingly.

  “Hey, I appreciate the offer, I do. And it does have a little to do with Beth, but I’m so far behind I just won’t feel right not studying tonight. You know if I flunk out, I’m gonna have to go back to Boston and I really don’t want to compound my woes with that.”

  “Well, my friend, if you feel like coming out later, I’ll be there all night. Unless I get lucky. Well, okay maybe I won’t be there that long,” he said with a wicked teeth-flashing grin.

  “You’re a dog.”

  “Not a dog, my friend, more like a wolf.” He semi-howled.

  “Get outta here before I change my mind.” Because I knew just listening to Paul for a few more moments would greatly increase my odds of not studying and falling even further behind.

  “Later, Mike, I’ll be thinking of you—for at least the first ten minutes.” He laughed.

  “Later,” I replied without much enthusiasm.

  I studied for what seemed like days, in reality it was more like three hours, but that was probably two and a half more hours than I had studied for the entire semester thus far. I guess I must have dozed a little because I awoke to a light knocking on my door. I almost believed it was a dream, but no, there it was again. Who the hell would be knocking on my door at eleven o’clock on a Friday night? Maybe it was pizza. That would be good. I opened the door to a waking dream.

  “Hi,” she said.

  I gaped for a minute. Beth had come to my room in a long skirt with a blue top that almost perfectly matched her eyes.

  “Uh, hi. You want to come in, have a beer or a soda?”

  “No thanks. I was wondering if you’d come for a walk with me.”

  “Uh, sure.” I was like most guys, I couldn’t figure out women to save my life, and now she had me completely befuddled. She had already pretty much told me no way—did she just want to reiterate the point? Because I was really not in any mood to have my ego bruised any more than it already was.

  So walk we did—around the entire campus. Conversation was mostly small talk. What was going on? Then it happened—she grabbed my hand—not in a friendly way, but like only couples do with their fingers entwined. I know it sounds foolish, but just the touch of her hand made me excited. After a few blocks of hand holding, she led me to an adjacent playground, thankfully abandoned by any seesawing kids at this time of night.

  I wish I could say this was the end of our problems a
nd that we became a happy couple, but that interaction only made things worse, at least for the time being. Beth became so guilt-ridden over our secret love, she began to completely ignore me. The Great Freeze thawed at fractions of a degree. Occasionally, I’d get a ‘hi’ on campus or a smile at floor meetings, but nothing more than that. I was distraught; I began to ignore my classes, even more so than usual, which at the time was a very difficult thing to achieve. I couldn’t figure how getting together could ruin us, I was under the impression it strengthened relationships. I guess you can refer back to me not understanding women. Beth finally approached me three weeks to the day after our last rendezvous.